Last week I lost my job. The first journalism one I have had since finishing uni.
Okay, I’ve made it sound really bad. I wasn’t fired. Although it definitely felt that way. Basically, the company had no money to pay me full time. Although that’s not how it was put… shit happens.
My boss – a term I will use lightly – told me I was unorganised and that my writing had not improved since I started writing for them back in November of last year. He then told me that they would be happy to have me be an unpaid intern again – are you kidding me?
Honestly, those words hurt. Everyone calls me organised, they have done my whole life. When it comes to my writing? Well I don’t know if I have improved, but it doesn’t help when there is no one telling you what you need to do to improve.
You’re probably wondering why there was no one there to tell me what was wrong but here is the thing. We didn’t have an editor for two months. For two months, the magazine team included an editorial assistant (me) and three interns. The magazine was still being produced and deadlines were being met on a daily basis. I don’t know about you, but that’s what I call organised.
Have you ever felt so small that all you want to do is curl up into a ball and cry? Well that’s exactly how I felt. The next 24 hours were torture. The tears kept coming and I wasn’t entirely sure why. When shit happens that you don’t expect, it’s hard to be fine and happy with what you’re going through. Your confidence drops from 100 to 0 real quick. It feels like the world is against you and there is nothing you can do. It doesn’t matter what anyone says to you, you feel like a failure. I have felt like this for a whole week, but now I’m starting to feel better.
So how do you pick yourself up and move on?
Well it takes time. You can’t let someone’s words affect you. You have to pick yourself up and move on. Everything happens for a reason, even the shit things. Take some time for yourself. Relax and do things you like to do. For me it was watching stuff on Netflix, eating Maryland cookies and going out for coffee.
Your next step is to get back in the game. Apply for any job you think you could do – anything that sounds interesting or that speaks to you. Once you’re back in the game, there is nothing to stop you from winning it.
After my initial shock at what was said, lots of crying and thinking I had failed, I’m now at the stage where I can pick myself up. My confidence in my ability hasn’t gone back to 100% yet but it’s higher than it was last week.
I am focusing on myself and the things I love. I’m going to work on my blog, myself and writing what I love. I have applied to hundreds of jobs, had a handful of interviews and only one job. I graduated a year ago and now I feel like I’m back to that point again. Luckily, I have some experience behind me now. Everyone tells you that when you finish uni you’re going to get a job. What they fail to tell you is that it isn’t easy. Sometimes you have to go through shit before you get to where you should be.